Lets get personal : Grief

30 April 2016

Oh how life can change in an instant! That moment where your breath is taken away from you and you forget how to breathe. A feeling of deep emotion so numbing your not sure if your dreaming or still awake. That was yesterday...

I came home to the beats of Beyonce on my new Skinnydip cat headphones, looking forward to a good takeaway and a catchup of The Island with the boyfriend but to walk around the corner of the doorway to see my mum. I imstantly stopped in my tracks and fired out the questions that came flying through my mind. 'Grandad?' 'Cancers back?' 'Terminal?'... All answered with a softly spoken and sad toned 'yes'. That's when that moment hit me.... As we chatted and spoke through the days events I couldn't help but think how lucky I am to have the family I do! No matter what life throws at us, we always pull together and stick by each other no matter what. That's what life is all about.

It's now the next day and I sit here in the car, whizzing by everyone else living their daily lives feeling as if the world is going in slow motion as we creep towards the hospital. The fear of the unknown and the memories of a healthy grandad who's smile and personality could light up the darkest of tunnels. A man who has been the only father figure I have known who I want to walk me down the isle, hold my first baby and travel to New Zealand with to live out our travelling dreams.

This is a new chapter in my life and one I could have never written myself but as I live this new chapter I will share it with you. I think it's important to support each other whether you are going through a traumatic time or not and for some I hope you can find comfort that you are not alone. This journey is going to be incredibly sad but I am going to do what I always do and be positive, think forwards and make the most of every moment because every second of every day really does matter

I wrote this back in April, a few days after my birthday with the notion of posting diary like entries of my experiences with loosing a loved one, but it just became too hard. It felt insensitive and wrong and so I had to take it down. Enough time has now gone past that I can now share my experience with you, in the hope I can help someone who might be going through the same experience. More soon....

'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade'
Love Khrissie X


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